Somehow, Wrestlemania made it better

First of all, thanks to everyone who had me on self-destruction watch last week. I survived about thirteen more crying jags since my last post and finally feel like I have it back together. I created a full "To-do List:LIFE", which made me feel a lot more in control. I'm even preparing to send in my Drake law school deposit and make it official! Today I declared my intent to attend Drake via email and was "welcomed into the Drake family" by one of the admissions staff. That felt nice. I guess, after all of my fear and uncertainty over what would happen next year, I realized that I AM GOING TO LAW SCHOOL. Regardless of whether I'm attending Harvard Law or California School of Law Online (okay, or maybe somewhere less horrible than that, like Appalachian School of Law), I am about to become a graduate student, and that sounds awesome.

So my pseudo-breakdown was fully dissolved, not by my own realization that everything will be fine or everyone watching over me in case I did not come to that realization, but by watching Wrestlemania with a bunch of Adrian and my friends Sunday night. Though I hail from a sheep farm in rural Iowa, I had not been exposed to WWE until I started dating Adrian. He has watched professional wrestling since he was a little kid, and I was not keen on joining in at first. The whole concept seemed extremely gaudy, phony, and obnoxious. And yet today, after my first Wrestlemania experience, I have to say that I'm sort of a WWE fan. What prompted this change of heart? WWE is ENTERTAINING. Since most of you will not just trust me on this, here's my top five reasons why WWE is pretty fun tv, especially to watch as a couple.

1) The wrestlers are pretty hot. Some are ugly, such as Wrestlemania's eighteen-time champion, The Undertaker, pictured below...



and some (in fact, MOST) of the wrestlers, are very hot. In fact, I have to argue that John Morrison, my personal favorite and a contender for the Tag Team title last night, is TOO hot. Observe...



2) WWE is popular worldwide. From los luchadors in Mexico to fans in Japan, millions of people enjoy WWE entertainment. I thought it was so cute at our friend Matthias' apartment Sunday that the three lifelong WWE fans were Matthias, rural Iowa guy, Adrian, son of a Spanish sheep farmer, and Jay, who was born and raised in India! Screw soccer, that's some international appeal. Jay said that "The Great Khali", a WWE wrestler who is of Indian descent, is an Indian national icon.



3) WWE is easy to understand. the very first time I watched Monday Night Raw with Adrian, I knew what was going on--guys are gonna try to pin each other, period. Another bonus for myself (as the stereotypical sports illiterate woman)is that I'm allowed to talk and laugh at what's going on without getting the evil eye from even my dedicated wrestling fan boyfriend. This leads me to point four...

4) WWE is HILARIOUS. I laugh so hard watching Raw or Smackdown sometimes. The melodramatic monologues, ridiculous costuming, and occasional poorly-executed move invite me to laugh with and at what is going on onscreen. A particularly hilarious nugget is this video of the theme song for Shawn Michaels, aka "The Heartbreak Kid", whose career has supposedly ended after he lost in Wrestlemania to The Undertaker.



Note the creative lyricism--"I'm just a sexy boy/I'm not your boy toy". LOVE IT. I've already booked Matthias to perform a striptease at my bachelorette party to this song, a routine he created for another bachelorette event last year.

Another hilarious aspect of WWE is the fashion. My lover John Morrison never disappoints, between his bedazzled jeans, furry boots, (which, I'd like to note, he wore at Wrestlemania this Sunday, which was held in ARIZONA)and pimp coats. All this on top of his beautiful pony mane and shredded body makes for a hot (and hilarious) viewing experience. Here he is in Afghanistan, wrestling with his furry boots on. That had to have been comfortable.



I also enjoyed the episode of Project Runway (two seasons ago??) where the designers had to make a costume for the WWE Divas. There's nothing better than Tim Gunn pictured with female pro wrestlers in costume.



5)The real reason I was able to watch Raw and Smackdown with Adrian after my original distaste for professional wrestling is that WWE is extremely patriotic, and genuinely gives back to the community, especially to the US armed forces. I endured past the initial cheese factor because I really enjoyed watching a pre-Christmas episode of Smackdown last year that was performed in the Middle East to an audience of soldiers.

So, my latest "first" was watching Wrestlemania. It was a very fun way to spend a Sunday night. Now I just need to start brainstorming my WWE Diva costume for next year...

Here I am, in a slump

The first week back to school after spring break can only be characterized by one word, but Ell Bell reads my blog so I'll keep myself from writing it. It's such a horrible feeling to realize that you're so suddenly back in the swing of things, and (if you're like me)you didn't really accomplish anything in your time off.

My big "first" so far this week? Being waitlisted at a law school, and my #1 choice at that. Thanks, Iowa Law. According to the email I was sent yesterday (and some quick calculations by Adrian), I have about a 3% chance of being admitted, and if I somehow am, I have three more months of waiting ahead of me before I know. I thought that being waitlisted was a more optimistic situation than this. I'm very heartbroken to know the truth.

So, I'm finding myself in a bit of a slump. Thank God for Adrian, my Spanish salvation, who lets me talk/shout about how angry I am about the law school admissions process while we're working out, and who has taken me out to buy me "treats" the past two nights as part of his Liz Smith wrist-slitting prevention program (sort of a "To Write Love on her Arms" for young women with graduation anxiety). You know how awesome I am when I tell you that my treats have consisted of the most recent issue of O Magazine, a bottle of wine, and some Skinny Cow ice cream treats.

To get out of my slump, I've gone through several of my tried-and-true coping mechanisms, like putting things in perspective, calling the list of friends I always run to when my life sucks, etc. These were largely futile, so I tried to turn to external feel-goods, aka vices. This made me even more blue. Someone needs to come up with a vice that is a)not illegal, b)not habit-forming, c)not horrible for you/a carcinogen, or d)not fattening. Is that too much to ask?! The only thing I can think of is...exercise. I'm going to give it a shot now. If you see me arrested/passed out on the street or obese later, you'll know that it failed.

A Smith Ranch Spring Break

Well, here I am, smack in the middle of a very uneventful (though very healing) spring break. I'm coming out of a crafting/sinus-related illness/working out/30 Rock bender in order to blog a little bit about the past week and half. I've successfully crossed a few more things off of my 400 goal list.

First and foremost (or, "first and formal", as Ell Bell says), I went on a Drake Law visit last week. It eased my anxiety to tour a law school knowing for sure that I was wanted there (and wanted with a scholarship!). My lovely, patient, all-around wonderful uncle Todd chaperoned my visit, which I was so grateful for. For some reason, I feel incredibly overwhelmed on these "recruitment" visits. After my day at Iowa Law last fall Adrian had to help me out of my brand new business attire ensemble while I bawled my eyes out and told him between sobs and snotty sniffles that I could not handle the law school admissions process. Luckily for Todd, I did not need any assistance disrobing or reassurances after Drake. The school, while not as prestigious as Iowa, is just so practical. I loved it how all of the students were getting started on a legal career, not just in class, but out in the city of Des Moines (and even in the STATE HOUSE, yea!). I feel very comfortable accepting Drake's offer for admission for now, and deciding between the two law schools in the state of Iowa should the choice present itself.

I enjoyed the rest of my time at the Lisa and Todd Schuelka residence in Ames, and returned home to the Smith Ranch in Spirit Lake on Friday evening. I was so excited because my lovely friend Cait came home with me for the weekend, and I went out for the first time in my hometown. We had a gay old time playing with the cute baby lambs and our three hulking Golden Retrievers, and of course...DOING CRAFTS!!! My mom taught us a fun and extremely simple craft she hasn't done since the 80's. The supplies required were 1) a styrofoam egg, 2) fabric scraps, and 3) a metal nail file with a pointed end. Below you can see what we created...




Basically, all you do is lay a little piece of fabric on the egg, then use the nail file to punch it into the styrofoam around the perimeter of the fabric. I found this oddly satisfying, and I completed nine of them, in almost as many hours. Something about stabbing those eggs was very fun. Now I need to create a basket or nest for them to create an Easter display. I'm also working on an Easter banner/garland thing, which I'll chronicle tomorrow when I (hopefully) complete it.

Since Cait left on Sunday, I've basically been doing my own thing: sleeping heavily, doing my couch to 5K runs (which are kicking my ASS, even on the less-impact gravel roads), making things, reading another Bill Bryson book (this time The Lost Continent, not as funny as Thunderbolt Kid, but good), and teaching Ellie how to use Facebook (a questionable decision, at best). Speaking of Ell Bell, I'm really happy with the time we've gotten to spend together this week. In the absence of our troubled teenaged sister Emily (yes, all E names here), Ell Bell and I have been able to enjoy each other without a lot of extra fighting, yelling, or ruckus. This is mostly due to the fact that I secretly am also still a child. Without the need to defend Ellie from Emily or otherwise mediate their disputes, I'm free to be Ell Bell's fellow nine-year-old gal pal. Ellie's "fort" of round bales of hay in our barn was a stage for my Hannah Montana impersonation concert last night(which, by the way, if I had any sense at all I'd be pursuing professionally), a source of ridiculous amounts of giggling and general humiliation from Ellie. We also fed the bottle lambs together, and let me say that if there is a cuter thing on this earth than bottle feeding a baby lamb, I'd like to know about it.



Being at the farm gives me so much perspective. I can't say that it's easy to balance the young adult-to-parent hierarchy all the time or that I love every second of being home, because that's not the case. However, something about being out of Iowa City helps me emotionally reorganize my priorities. After a few days away I realize what, and who, is important and healthy in my life, and what/who is fat to be cut away (meat seems a particularly relevant metaphor when I'm at the Smith Ranch).

With that, I will finish off this entry and get some quality rest for my big day of a) crafting, b) shopping for bridesmaid dresses for my friend Sarah's wedding, and c) schoolwork...HAHA or not.

Things left to Read, Make, Do, Learn=98, 87.5, 88, 94

Come to me, Spring Break

I have some goodies on the way for a full 400 goal post later this week, but for now I'd just like to list the reasons I'm excited to go home for Spring Break.

1) Because of my Drake Law visit, my break is extended into an eleven-day long blissful respite from the drudgery of my current life situation in Iowa City. I'm very excited to head to Drake and finally make law school seem real. I'm also excited to have a lovely escort for my visit, my uncle Todd, who will also be providing me a place to sleep (at the Schuelka family's lovely home in Ames). I'm very happy as well to get some quality time with the Scheulkas and hopefully see my friends Donis and Boz and their lovely baby Mavin.
2) I will get to cuddle my favorite nugget, Ell Bell Smith, who is astoundingly turning ten next month. We will also be strategizing our summer debauchery.
3) This is the first time I will be twenty-one and in my hometown. I've never even seen the inside of most of the townie bars where I'm from, so I have some catching up to do. I'm planning a full Saturday night with my girlfriends, my mother, grandmother, maybe some local gays...it should be ridiculous. There's also a shady strip club where some guy was kicked to death a couple of years ago (defending a stripper's honor, no less, on her FORTIETH BIRTHDAY. I kid you not) that has $30 all-you-can-drink specials. Maybe I'll pop in for a gander at some C section scars and a heaping dose of sadness...not.
4) One of my IC girlfriends is coming home with me! I can't wait until she meets my weapon-toting, brief-sporting father, Curtis. Last time I was home my dad "heard noises in the night" (me, the only one still awake at eleven thirty) and walked downstairs to check it out, brandishing his new handgun. Hopefully, like this instance, he again holds fire if we startle him next week.
5) Crafting. I cannot WAIT to unleash my fury with some hot glue, fabric, yarn, whatever I can get my hands on. I fully expect to be blogging my ass off about all of my wondrous creations.
6) Reading. Very excited to dive into some goodies I've been hoarding, and maybe finish godforsaken Empire Falls once and for all.
7) Getting some sleep. Between school during the week and going out on the weekends, I have not been getting adequate shuteye.
8) Seeing all of the animals--three dogs (Ruby, Hondo, Ginger), sheep, chickens, even the mangy and disgusting outside cats
The beautiful Ruby Smith is pictured below with Ell Bell and I.

9) Seeing all of my friends and family! My grandparents, my girlfriends, my girlfriend Kim's twin babies Isaac and Lukas. It will be a lovely reunion.
10) FOOD. Home-raised/grown/produced meat, canned goods, eggs, honey, maple syrup. You name it, it's better to eat at my parents' house. That's a lie, I guess you couldn't "name" vegetarian food, seafood, or ethnic food, but by God you could mention good, old fashioned American meat and potatoes-based meals.
11) Blogging. Get excited, readership of nine.

Gospel choir, morbidly obese bloggers, and other things that inspired me this week

This week was very eventful, and happily a strong return to the 400 goal. First off, on Monday afternoon, I heard from Iowa Law. My application "has been viewed by the admissions committee and is being held for a second review". Basically, pre-waitlisted. As a middle of the road candidate numbers-wise, non-minority Iowa resident, I never expected a gimme, but come on. I just want to know what's going to happen, and I really, REALLY want to get into Iowa Law. I'm very excited about the other offers I've been given by Drake, Mizzou, and St. Thomas, but I want to stay in Iowa City, and honestly, I'm overwhelmed by just the thought of choosing between the other three schools. On a more hopeful note, admitted students withdraw from Iowa Law every day, and hopefully enough of them back out that I will be selected. This has happened to other friends of mine, so I'm not completely despondent.
That being said, after hearing the not-so-great news from Iowa, I had a bit of a mental breakdown (a common occurrence during the law school admissions process, but this was a biggie) and decided I needed to further fill my life with meaningful things so, logically, I joined Voices of Soul, the University of Iowa's gospel choir. Check out this concert video of them below from 2007.



Ever since I was in high school, I've wanted to be in a gospel choir. I have always found gospel music so moving, especially songs from greats like Moses Hogan and others. I remember a girlfriend borrowing my iPod last year and making fun of me for having an album downloaded called, simply, "Negro Spirituals". Truth be told, I rocked out to those songs. HARD. Still, I was very nervous heading to VoS practice on Thursday night. I walked in, prepared to grab my sheet music and sight read to the best of my ability to catch up and prove that I could handle being part of the ensemble, since they've been rehearsing for the upcoming April concert for weeks already. I choked a little when I wasn't handed any sheet music (Had they *gasp* already memorized everything?). This is where my learning comes in. Evidently gospel choirs learn by rote, no sheet music, just a sort of call and response. At first I was extremely panicked by this development, but it ended up being incredibly fun and spontaneous, a sort of jazzercise/jam session combo.
Everyone at Voices of Soul was so sweet and welcoming to me, and singing with the group and the band was a very powerful way to worship God, a far cry (forgive me, Pope Benedict) from minor-key Catholic hymns. I'll admit, I was a little shy at first when the director was yelling out, "Sing with your hands! Do it!", but by the end of the two hour rehearsal I was sweating profusely from clapping, swaying, pointing up to the sky (quite a jaunt outside of my comfort zone. We were instructed to do it every time we sang Jesus' name in one of the songs) and basically singing my guts out. I've easily decided that I will be staying in this group.

Another first for this week was my first BIG GIRL LICENSE!!!! I was very excited for my first horizontal Iowa license, until I arrived at the DOT. I would just like to say that I imagine Hell must be a lot like a prolonged stay in the DOT office--loud, stuffy, windowless (at least the Johnson County office is sans-outdoor light), full of rude people and fourteen-year-olds. Entering the office, I had the distinct displeasure of standing behind an unpleasant woman dressed in homemade sweatpant capris and fake Ugg boots (do NOT expect to be taken seriously in this ensemble). She was ripping the very sweet receptionist's head off about how she needed to switch her ID back to Iowa after some years living in Kansas, and why wasn't her photocopied birth certificate sufficient for this purpose, etc etc. When this ugly wretch finally stepped out of the office, I approached the desk.
"Wow, THAT'S a way to end your Friday", I said to the receptionist with the knowing grin of someone who's worked in the service industry.
"Yeah, I was just about to tell her that she could get an original of her birth certificate across the hall for only fifteen bucks." She laughed and shook her head.
"I was just about to tell her that my boyfriend has lived in the state for five years and still has his California ID, no problem", I replied. Just then, Ugly Wretch stepped back into the DOT, her body trembling with rage.
"Are you two TALKING ABOUT ME?! THAT IS SO UNPROFESSIONAL! You're RUDE! I want to see your manager, RIGHT NOW." Then, looking at me, UW says, "YOU are so rude. You don't know me or my situation."
I contemplated briefly if there were any way someone could have a situation involving the need for new ID that would be sad enough for me to pity them. I decided not. "I don't care", I said, rolling my eyes (I have a great talent for the disrespectful eye roll, one which earned me many slaps from my parents in my school years).
"You wouldn't." Because clearly underneath this bag's sweatpant capris was an amazing judge of character. Not. UW proceeds to be escorted to a back office, glaring at me as she passes. The receptionist calls me back to her desk, where she covertly asks me for my name and phone number should an official complaint be filed.
People are so astoundingly awful sometimes. Sadly, so are ID photos. Mine resembles a mug shot, as Iowa's new ID photo policy dictates that you cannot smile at all in your photo. Observe...



So proud of myself, I actually made something new this week! Not a craft, but for the first time ever I made homemade gourmet mac 'n cheese for Adrian and I, plus Matti and Mallory, prior to Delta Zeta date party last night. It was so good, very absorbent food for the winos to eat while imbibing. The recipe, officially titled "Bacon, Ranch, and Chicken Mac and Cheese" is available on the Cooking Light website. Here's their photo of the mac, mine wasn't as beautiful but was so damn good we gobbled it up before I could get a shot of it.




Okay, one more thing and this epic post is done. Another first for this week is embarking on a fitness plan with a group. Adrian and I along with my homegirls Matti and Mallory Mitchell are all doing the Couch to 5K running program. Today we did our first workout, walk/run intervals for twenty minutes, plus about ten minutes of navigating the icy sidewalk to the trail. I was inspired to do this program by a weight loss blog I found in one of my aimless travels through the blogosphere. The author, who is morbidly obese at the time of this entry, has completed C25K and is preparing for her first live 5K. I was so motivated reading her account of being an overweight runner, and for the first time in my life I felt like possibly I could also complete a running regimen. My posse and I are searching for a 5K to run in nine weeks or so, in the meantime we're running again on Tuesday and Thursday. We're also weighing ourselves as a group every Sunday. Currently, we weigh 710 pounds, very ready for some weight loss progress! More updates to come.

I lied, one more thing on top of C25K. I finished The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir by Bill Bryson. It was so wonderful that I shelled out the $20 I owed the Iowa City Public Library in late fees from a year ago just to check it out, just really rich and funny and real. I laughed over almost every page, sometimes more than once (speaking of, have you ever noticed how awkward it is to laugh over a book, especially in public?). A must read for everyone who's ever lived in Iowa, especially near Des Moines.

That brings us to the tally. Read, Make, Do, Learn--97, 95.5, 87, 94. I have GOT to get my ass in gear if these goals are going to be accomplished! Hoping to be into the seventies on all of them by the end of March (into the eighties on reading. It's slow going reading for pleasure during the school year).

Monday, Monday

I bounced back from my awful weekend blues immediately after I saw this awesome photo of my baby sister, Ellie (aka Ell Bell), recent star of the Spirit Lake Elementary School production of "Blame it on the Wolf".

Ell Bell played one of the piggies. Her teacher said that "she has singing ability, and also acting ability". I think she meant, "a less annoying use of her big mouth". Either way, she's a star.

Failure Weekend

This weekend was such a mega failure.

First, there are so many things I wanted to accomplish but did not. For example, I'm still trudging through Empire Falls, and I was hoping to finish reading that this weekend. I also had a lot of homework goals, and not one of those was even started, much less completed.

Second, even the fun "blowing-off-my-responsibilities" activities turned to crap on me. We went out Friday night, and I ended up in an argument with Brin and having my wallet STOLEN (not lost, stolen. We're sure. I hate the Summit). Saturday, excited to have bounced back (and very excited to have had a backup ID, from when I'd thought I lost it last year), I drank way too much and vomited over a good portion of the second floor of Adrian's duplex, while all of our friends were downstairs semi-sober, waiting to go downtown. I hate getting too drunk, and this was not my first experience with this dilemma. I wake up feeling disgusting the next day, too embarrassed even to allow myself a good cry about it, and the cloud of guilt and mortification hangs over my head for at least two days afterward. Luckily, I'm pretty sure everyone who was here Saturday has graciously forgiven me (including Adrian). After I stopped feeling hungover yesterday (and missed Mass, another black mark on my weekend), Adrian and I decided to go sledding in the schoolyard across from his place. The hill was so slippery that we couldn't walk up it without a running start, so you can imagine the sledding--it was a luge. Unlike the Olympic luge, however, our short, fast run down the hill ended with a chain link fence. We were laughing as we slammed our bodies into the fence, especially at one point when Adrian created a permanent dent in it...then I hit the post instead of the fencing portion. In trying to stop myself by driving a hand into the snow in front of the sled, I had created a fulcrum on which my fully-fed Iowa body could pivot, roughly at the speed of sound, until my outer left thigh came into contact with the fence post. I yelped so loudly I'm positive everyone in the vicinity could hear me. Adrian sledded down to me and tried out some sports medicine techniques he'd seen on the NFL broadcasts, lifting my leg up and whatnot, which were largely futile. Then he just kissed it, in hopes that I'd stop crying so he could drag me across the street without an audience. Today I have a substantial swollen scrape/bruise combo goiter on my leg, plus a cute little limp.

Before the knee pain really kicked in, Adrian and I made a snowman after sledding, Adrian's first ever. He was very excited about it, though between my leg drama and lacking snowman skills, I wasn't being a very helpful teacher. We made her a girl, complete with a grenadine mouth (looks bloody and gross), hair (lovely branches from the shrub in front of the house that we ripped off), and breasts (Adrian took sole responsibility for forming these).



Sadly, the high point of my weekend was probably work on Friday night. I don't even really enjoy my current home health care position all that much, I essentially work as a servant girl for $10/hour while the client pays my company $25/hr. Plus, we only have a few clients who need the help of the aides, so I'm basically going to the same house all the time. Anyways, work was halfway nice because I've been reading aloud to my client lately from The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir by Bill Bryson, his account of his childhood in Des Moines in the 1950's. Pure gold. It was a little weird reading aloud to adults at first, but after awhile it made me feel very Little House on the Prairie. Plus, the book is so funny, whether it's the magazine clippings Bryson included from the period ("More Doctor's Smoke Camels than any other brand of Cigarette!") or the hilarious stories about his family, or even the history lesson about Des Moines (more fascinating than one might think).

Here's to a more successful week, and certainly a more successful weekend.